So as I sat across the dinner table from my husband...

with our 4 living children in between us, I had to smile.

Rick wanted to know what I was smiling about.

I smiled bigger.

Then the kids wanted to know what I was smiling about.

So I had to tell them.

I sat across a table from their father some 19 years ago, having a lovely dinner of HOT STEAMED CRABS!

Just one dinner, if we could have known then what we know now...

if we could have known we'd marry and live in Maryland

then I'd be in a car wreck and suffer for a year

then we would move to littlestown PA while I was pregnant with our first baby

and how our first baby boy would die before birth

then we'd both suffer

only to be filled with joy and another pregnancy

then slowly watch as my Grandfather battled brain cancer

I'd drive my Grandparents to different various appointments, trying to help in any way I could, glad to do it, only feeling as if we'd lost my Grandfather the moment he found out about the brain cancer

we'd loose Rick's Mom just two short months before our sweet baby girl would arrive

we'd visit his grandma a few weeks later, and though she was unable to walk in her hospital room, she acted as if she would do anything for Rick, including change the air temperature...she loved him so

Lindsay would be born, tainted with the news that my father was leaving my mother...the reason I asked the doctor to induce me, stress of what was to come to my family

We would bring Lindsay home from the hospital on Thanksgiving as it snowed, so much better then the previous thanksgiving when we were supposed to bring home our baby boy and our arms were empty

by the end of that year both of Rick's grandparents would be gone

so was my father

soon we were expecting another baby, but we kept it to ourselves while our family suffered loosing my Grandfather

during his funeral Rick sweetly told me that I would soon have to tell, as I was showing

My father returned...didn't act like much of a father

I held off telling my family about the pregnancy, because with it came heartache and worry, I waited until I felt like they could hear it, it was October I was due in January

We moved but were still living in Littlestown

2 days later I had delivered another sweet baby boy

the year went along well, until my mother knew she had to leave, it was October

my father moved someone in the next week

we all suffered

two miscarriages the next year one in the winter another in the fall

i was done having babies

my Aunt turned up pregnant with twins

sick, painful, cruel joke on me...beautiful baby boys for her

i broke my hand in a sledding accident

it's hard to diaper toddlers with one hand

or open a can of soup

or wash your hair

i lived, so did the toddlers

my father spent 6 months angry driving by each day without even looking at our house, because we wouldn't sell him a car

so much family drama it was finally time to move away

we left behind all those that suffered

my mother trying to find someone to love

my sister being forced from her home with dad after she had stayed behind with him, his new wife didn't care for his kids

my dad who got his girlfriend pregnant while married to his second wife

said girlfriend is now his 3rd wife and Lindsay, Kodi & Lexie have an Uncle younger than them, sick joke on my father 57 years old with a 6 year old son

moved to NC to pursue a job in NASCAR

found successes and failures

were blessed with two more baby girls

Rick's truck would be stolen and ruined, a neighbor blessed us by giving us a car, Geo.

visits from family Mom, Jenn and Kevin, Dale and Gwenda, Mom, Dad, Dad and Pam, Mom, Angie, highlights, really big highlights

good kids, doing well in school

lost my other grandfather to cancer within two short weeks, i was extremely blessed to have seen him in the hospital days before he died...he said, "I knew you'd come" and I had

vacations to massanutten with mom

driving around Mooresville, our home, feeling like it's home

Rick would be in a terrible car accident, one in which he shouldn't have walked away...he did, God gave him a second chance...there were no more chances for the Geo.

vacation to Disney with our family

trips home in the summer attending Littlestown carnival, they don't have carnivals here

we'd live with only 1 car for months and months at a time, it was always so painful

entrapment is awful

a quick trip home to say goodbye to my grandma, helping her for 13 hours while she was helpless, her sweet laugh and smile of gratitude, I felt loved

almost lost our own family due to NASCAR

more suffering

we've got our family back now

going back to college after 17 years, earning a 4.0 on my first two classes

the Church is still the same, blessing

so are the people, :-)

you learn to live with them, love them through their imperfections and hope and pray they can love you through yours







we've got our priorities back in check

so much so that I can sit across the table from my husband and smile